The first year after my tragic accident, I had a hard time dealing with the reality that was left...I was paralyzed..the life that I had known for 21 years was gone. I felt as if I had no more life to live. All I wanted was for things to be the same as they were. I never liked change.
Two weeks had gone by since I had awoke from a coma, before I knew it. I was recovering physically in record breaking time. I was dressing myself, pushing myself in my wheelchair and showing strength in my daily physical therapy regimen. The doctors were amazed at how fast I was recovering. On the inside, I was not recovering at all. I felt angry, sad, depressed and an overwhelming sense of self-pity. I kept those feelings locked inside of my heart, though. I put on a happy face for everyone around me. I pretended like I was just happy to be alive. On the inside, I was screaming asking God why he had kept me on this earth. What was I supposed to do now? My life was gone. I was not supposed to be in a wheelchair. I had taken care of people in wheelchairs for the past four years. Now the tables were turned and I was the patient. I felt like I could not even be a mother to my daughter. How would I teach her to dance or ride a bike from a wheelchair? Everything had been taken away from me just by me being confined to that chair. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror if I was sitting in that chair. It made me feel helpless and worthless. I was so embarrassed to be seen in a wheelchair. I felt degraded. I did everything I could to keep my family and friends from seeing me in that chair. I couldn't stand the thought of my loved ones feeling sorry for me or treating me any different. I didn't want to be pitied. I did everything I could to stay out of that horrid chair. I just wanted to stay in bed and pretend that everything was the same as before the accident.